it’s the end of 2012 and well that was fast.

there isn’t anything remotely good enough in the past 12 months for me to distinctly recall and ponder about. that happens to me every year doesn’t it. hah fuck.

i honestly don’t know why i am writing this because there isn’t anything special i can talk about. everyone else probably has really long year-end posts about their awesome year. this is probably just me for customs’ sake.

so… worst end to a year ever. it’s been prolonged for another 3 months. march 11 to be precise.

i’d like to think the guy i fell in love with a couple months back isn’t the same person i’m reading about in the news. but i don’t think that’s how reality works. reality lures you into thinking that you’ve gotten it all, that you’ve understood everything about it, that you’ve gotten a grasp of it, and right in the next instant, it all becomes a mirage that vanishes. reality is a mirage.

so this guy i’ve come to know about is just another one of those monsters. finding that tiny glimmer of hope in something and to be engulfed in darkness in the very next second - it kills. so how am i suppose to move on, when he was a large part of something that i found hope and faith in? how could someone so intelligent, witty, funny, filial, and loyal, do such cruel, sick and lowly things?

i can never understand how this world works.